A Letter To The Daughter I May Never Have

This is sad but beautiful. I think any parent can relate to this, the fears we have of what our kids lives will be like and that almost daily nagging thought that tends to pop into your head out of nowhere “am I f***ing it up??!” There’s no manual for this.

amanda trusty says

My dearest daughter,

I’m writing this to you at age 27, at which point I still don’t know how to change a diaper.

And I have to tell you right away, I live in a world where planes crash unexpectedly, and love doesn’t always win, and I eat pesticides for breakfast. My neighbors fight when they’re drunk and my friends have cancer and twelve-year-old students sell pot out of their lockers at school. I’m sorry darling, but this world is no place for a child.

I’m looking at a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table that your potential daddy bought me three days ago and they’re wilted because I forgot to change the water. The sink is dirty and the recycling bin smells like sour milk and Coca-Cola. My home is no place for a child to grow.

But goodness it would be so gorgeous to meet you…

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The devil, the fighter, and Jimmy with his roses.

This is lovely. I absolutely enjoyed reading every last word. May we never stop finding things to fight for, because then there’s nothing left. I know someone who has seemingly given up the fight and no amount of words seem to change that, I wish I could climb in her head and move around the little turning wheels but alas, it is not my journey.

hannah brencher.


My Uncle Jimmy died on Saturday.

I found out about it on Sunday morning while roaming through a random Target in the middle of Greensboro, North Carolina. I was trying on shoes I didn’t need when the call came through. My mother told me they were taking the ferry to Long Island the next day. One shoe was on. One shoe was off. Looking like Cinderella in a maxi dress with combat boots, I found out he was gone.

That’s the weird thing about losing someone— you expect everyone around you to stop what they’re doing. You expect them to get it. You expect them to put down the shoeboxes and stop surveying the hairspray that give the most volume. You just expect everyone to be still for a few minutes. That’d be nice.

And it would also be nice to walk up to the cashier, the one with the…

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This is the Face of 6th Street


Serpent Box

When I told her that she was beautiful she smiled like the Cheshire cat. She knew that I meant it too. I don’t think she’d heard that in awhile. You want to take my picture? She said. My picture? I told her that it would make my day. There was so much going on around her that wasn’t beautiful. The heroin touts were busy running back and forth from Natoma out to the cars idling on 6th Street, looking at me with Hyena smiles. I could feel a certain malice in the air, like a current in a wire. I said, All right, are you ready? I knew I didn’t have much time. A white man with a camera on 6th Street. She put her hands on her hips and looked up into my eyes. She couldn’t have been much over five feet tall. She had a story for sure…

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Day 09 – What I Hope My Future Will Be Like


I am trying to differentiate between ‘how I hope my future will be like’ and ‘where I would like to be in 10 years’ (which I just wrote about)… I know theres a difference but at the moment, sitting here sunburnt after a day at the beach, the smell of my husband and child cooking pancakes for dinner, a slight headache on the horizon but I can’t be arsed to find my headache tablets, a cup of tea going cold next to me while I try to decide if I would like a cigarette with it but at the same time can’t be arsed to get up and find my husbands cigarettes… at the moment, I can’t seem to clearly differentiate between the two.

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And Your Gifts Will Make Room For You


A man’s gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men. – Proverbs 18.16

How do you figure out what you would like to do for the rest of your life and go after it without hesitation but complete assurance that you are on the right path?

“There’s an app for that” springs to mind, and quizzes, and career guidance counsellors and a million other avenues you can explore that promise to figure out what you should be doing with your life. I dont know about you, but I just dont have the patience for it. Maybe thats the problem 🙂 

My husband has dedicated a huge chunk of his life to being a chef, he’s brilliant at it and at one stage was convinced that is what he would be doing for the rest of his life.. and then it changed. He still loves cooking and he would think twice before turning down a good chef job but I dont think that is where his passion lies anymore, so now what? How do you start over at the age of 34 with a wife and child in tow? How do you compete against people who have been working their way up the ladder for the last few years? Questions like these, when dwelt on too long, are like wet socks! 

I am always brought back to that verse, Proverbs 18v16 but for the life of me I just dont know how you figure out what your talents are, my husband has many talents, I have at least a few talents – how do you decide which to pursue? How do you differentiate between a talent and a hobby because, to me, they both seem to be the same thing and its only after pursuing them do you figure out if you enjoy doing it as more than a hobby. Trust me, I’ve tried a few! And I still plod on… 

“Do what you love”, if only it were that easy, my husband is the kind of guy who likes to break down cliches so he would most likely respond with “what if I love lying on the couch”… my only response, true dat! I still think there is a lot of truth in that simple statement. 

Dr. Myles Munroe illustrated on Proverbs 16.18 and he said some things I really love,

“What you were designed to be known for is your gift. God has put a gift or talent in every person that the world will make room for. It will make a way for you in life. It is in exercising this gift that you will find real fulfillment, purpose, and contentment in your work.

It is interesting to note that the Bible does not say that a man’s education makes room for him, but that his gift does.

Somehow we have swallowed the idea that education is the key to success. Our families and societies have reinforced this idea to us, but we will have to change our perspective if we are to be truly successful.

Education is not the key to success. Don’t misunderstand me. I believe in education. However, if education were the key to success, then everyone who has a Ph.D. would be financially secure and happy.

If you are intelligent but are not exercising your gift, you’re probably going to be poor. If you’re educated but have not developed your talent, you’re likely going to be depressed, frustrated, and tired.Education, in itself, doesn’t guarantee anything. It is your gift that is the key to your success. The world won’t move over for you just because you’re smart. However, when you exercise your gift, not only will the world make room for you, but it will also pay you for it.”

I think the problem today is that we are raised with so many ideas of what should be important to us, which talents truly matter, that most of us are out of touch with what could possibly make us happy and provide us with our own identity and sense of meaning, as well as how to go about finding it. 

David, the Shepard boy in the Bible, did not sit and strive to figure out what his talents were, or work day and night at trying to perfect an image of what he thought he should be, he just took what jobs he had at the moment and did the best he could with them, he did not try and pull strings or call in favors to get a job in the palace – it so happened that someone over heard him playing music (something he did simply because he loved to) and it afforded him the opportunity of a lifetime. 

The best approach is to dedicate yourself to being the best that you can be. Not just when you’re trying on various “talents” or striving for “success,” but in every minute of every day. When you choose to give everything you have whether you’re auditioning, smiling at a homeless person on the street, applying to college, or being kind to at someone at school or work who feels lonely, you will start to recognize how powerful, versatile, and yes—talented—you really are.

If you are struggling to figure out what you are going to do with your life, here are some quotes from an amazing book I’ve read a few times called ‘Dare to Desire’ written by John Eldredge, I never get enough of reading this book!

  • The clue to who we are and why we are here comes to us through our hearts desire. It’s common for our journey to begin with a sense of discontent, or of being lost. Instead of asking what you ought to do to become a better man or woman, ask what makes you come alive? What stirs your heart?
  • Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is more people who have come alive. 
  •  If you had permission to what you really want to do, what would you do? Don’t ask how – that will cut off your desire at the knees. How is never the right question. It means ‘unless I can see my way clearly I won’t venture forth.’ When the angel told Zacharias that his ancient wife would bear him a son, Zacharias asked how and was struck dumb for it. How is Gods department: He is asking you what. What is written in your heart? What makes you come alive?
  • Like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.
  • You may have heard an orchestra tuning up before a concert. It sounds like total chaos – obes, cellos, French horns, dozens of instruments all sounding off, everyone doing their own thing. This is how our desires seem most of the time. But then the first violin plays a long high C, and all the other instruments join in. They become focused, centered  ready to perform. This is what happens with the chaos of our desires when we turn our souls to God in worship. When we delight in Him, he heals our false desires and our souls come true in the light of their creator.
  • Contentment is not freedom from desire, but freedom of desire. To be content is not pretending that everything is the way you wish it would be, nor is it acting as though you have no wishes. Rather it is no longer being ruled by your desires.
  • Sadly, many of us have been led to feel that somehow we ought to want less, not more. We have this sense that we should atone for our longings, apologize that we feel such deep desire. Shouldn’t we be more content? Perhaps, but contentment is not wanting less; that’s the easy way out. Anybody can look holy if he’s killed his heart; the real test is to have your heart burning within you and to have the patience to enjoy what there is now to enjoy, while waiting with eager anticipation for the feast to come.






Buy Dare to Desire here: http://www.amazon.com/Desire-Invitation-Fulfill-Deepest-Dreams/dp/0849995914


To the lady ashamed of being pregnant with her fourth

I love this article so much! Maybe because I’ve too often heard that awkward laugh and seen that wide-eyed stare when faced with the question “How many children would you like to have” and I say, with a smile on my face, “About 4, I think”.

Yes, i think it is a shame when the finances of a family can-not support the family and the family ends up struggling to make ends meet but the richness that is added to your life by having siblings, the more the merrier, is something money can’t buy! I do not say this naively, I grew up in a family of 6 children with separated parents and things were not always easy, in fact, things were more often tough than not but we had fun – we had each other and, at the end of the day, that was a lot more fun than the latest gadgets or keeping up with the trends.

Tales from the Mommy Trenches

I met you in the elevator on my way back from the pediatrician’s office. It was just me and Wren, and you looked at her fondly in her stroller. When the elevator doors opened, you very kindly held the doors open for me. As I clumsily maneuvered the stroller past you, I accidentally ran over your foot. “Don’t worry about it,” you assured me over my profuse apologies. “I have three children myself,” you revealed to me. My eyes traveled to your big belly. There was an awkward pause as I wondered if I could assume she was pregnant. “And I’m expecting my fourth,” you admitted. “Congratulations!,” I tell her. “That is wonderful!” I see the relief spread across her face. “Thank you!” she says, and I could tell she meant it. “You have no idea how many people offer their condolences when they find out this is my fourth…

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